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Infidelity Means Having Less of a Good Thing

Some individuals have reached a point in their lives when they believe that infidelity will bring them an additional facet to their relationships. However, this couldn't be further from the truth. For those who have suffered from the emotional devastation that infidelity can bring, there is an understanding that this is a losing proposition on all sides. When we see a situation where a person is risking the destruction of a marriage, while attempting to possess a small fraction of another's affection, we see a person who is actually willing to settle for less. There is an irony in all of this, since the person who engages in infidelity is actually looking to obtain the missing pieces that would make up 100% of what they want in life. Instead, they end up with less - or nothing at all.

This is a starting point for many discussions between spouses who are in the process of repairing a relationship that has been damaged by infidelity. For those who are considering infidelity, it's an important point to ponder, prior to taking any action that may be regretted in the future.

The initial reaction from anyone who has experienced a situation where a spouse has engaged in an extra-marital relationship is one of confusion. There can be an overall sense of failure that may accompany that feeling, as well. Where did the failure lie? But in truth, taking responsibility for the infidelity of a spouse is usually a trap that exists within the pit of low self-esteem. Spending time wondering what was missing, instead of communicating, may actually be a reflection of the symptoms that led to this situation in the first place.

It needs to be understood that a marriage is a complex meld of responsibilities and emotional variables. No marriage is going to provide 100% of a partner's needs all the time. The pressures of day-to-day living are always there. These can include: child-raising, care for elderly parents, career pressures, household chores and other items that require our attention. Because of this, a spouse may occasionally feel neglected. However, the trade-off for infidelity is poor compensation.

When we think about the superficial temporary feelings derived from infidelity, they need to be weighed against the less wanted results that are derived. These can be feelings of guilt at knowing that a loved one is being betrayed by one's actions. There can also be the fear that is attached to the outcome that would occur, once the infidelity is discovered. Shame is also a factor, since we know that our social sphere will view us within the context of our actions. Finally, we understand the pain that can be inflicted on someone who has made every effort to be our close and loyal partner. Recovering from the knowledge of infidelity can place them on a long road to emotional recovery.